How do you want to feel at home?

— This post is part of our Life at Home series. Each month, we explore different thinking, techniques or tools related to the concept of a home and what it means to live well in ours. — Have you ever noticed yourself living someone else’s life? Or, at least, not living the one you really desire? We’ll be the first to admit — it’s unfortunately quite easy to get swept in that trap. You live in this neighborhood because it’s the hot neighborhood to live in right now. You’re part of that committee because the status makes you look pretty dang good to others. Your kids are involved with all those extracurricular activities because that leads to a good college, career and successful life, of course. But, if you’re honest, you’d really rather live in that other area of town… or heck, maybe even another city. The committee meetings are a total drag, and you dread them every month. And, you’re absolutely sick of carting your kids to all those activities. All that does is leave no time for family meals around the table and real conversations. You’re not living the life you desire. So, how do you correct course? First, ponder words from the ancient philosopher Seneca… 😉 Really though, he does have some wisdom to offer here — “When a man does not know what harbor he is making for, no wind is the right wind.” You have to define your harbor. Otherwise, you get swept up into all those random winds and nothing seems to satisfy or help you live a life that lights you up. You must take time to consider — what do you desire? To tackle that, we recommend looking to a concept we were introduced to by author Danielle LaPorte. Though we’ve admittedly still not read her book The Desire Map, she shares a powerful concept worth chewing on. Instead of setting specific, yet somewhat random goals, she suggests you start by considering how it is you want to feel. Yes, it may be tough to give yourself permission to give that much weight to the way you want to feel, but we challenge you to do it anyways. Do you want to feel… alive, passionate, aligned, brave, joyful, grateful, powerful, attractive, rich, abundant…? You choose whatever descriptors fit you best. Those desired feelings or core values become a filter for the decisions, activities and relationships in your life. When you get off track, you can use them as a compass to get back on course. For instance, you may realize you want to feel genuine, vibrant and connected as you move through life. But, living in that neighborhood is making you feel like a fraud, not serving your desire to feel genuine. Attending those meetings is making you feel lifeless, not vibrant. And the lack of real family time with your kids is making you feel distanced, not connected. The changes that need to be made are clear. So, take a few minutes to consider what those feelings might be for you. Start to pay attention to feelings that light you up and those that bring you down. Once you define those feelings, think about how you can actively align your life with them. What would help you feel more < insert your descriptor >? What do you need to stop doing to feel more < descriptor of your choice >? And, if you’re having trouble wrapping your head around this concept, we encourage you to do one of two things (A) dig a little deeper into Danielle’s work or (B) recognize this concept may not your thing. If you choose the former, we’re cheering for you as you dig in. And, if you choose the latter, we take no offense. Recognizing what doesn’t work for you is a step on the way to living the life that truly aligns with you. Whatever path you choose, live the life that’s true to you.]]>